Triggers

triggering

Triggers

What triggers you?  What can take you from zero to 100 in a split second?

I’m fascinated at times by how quickly I can be propelled from a relatively calm state into a firey rage at seemingly nothing at all.

I have been driving along minding my own business playing tunes on the radio and someone can cut me off or slow me down and all of a sudden I’m yelling at them from my car in a heated anger that is totally out of proportion with the action.  I have been walking down a beach and been filled with fear and defensiveness seeing someone coming toward me that I’ve never met before.  In the middle of a conversation with someone about life and things, I can find myself grasping for calm and reasoning at something they’ve said that has set me afire.

What is it that triggers me?  For most of my younger life I assumed that my behaviour was totally justified by the actions of someone else being wrong.  Interesting to look a bit deeper and see what actually is at the root of this wild ride in emotions.

We all have patterns and beliefs that we gain as we live and grow in life.  Some of these we have picked up from our parents and families, while others from friends, school or society at large.  These conditioning patterns and beliefs have served our lives in some way to help us fit in, learn, grow and belong to something bigger.

If these beliefs and patterns don’t shift and change as we evolve, then there becomes a disonance within us between what we are carrying and what is true for us in the moment.  It is NOW that our deeper work begins in a challenging and rewarding way.

As our behaviour and relationships change, we will be triggered by people and things that don’t align with the old ways of being.  We are being awakened to review our past beliefs to see if they are resonate and true for us in the moment.  It can feel like we are walking in a land mine theme park of emotions.

If we can be aware and compassionate to ourselves and others, we can begin to peel back the layers.  These layers of protection, playing small, obligations and holding ourselves back  have all served us in a way but no longer feed our heart and soul.  We will recognize these by how they make us feel.

I find as I grow and learn more about myself and what I’m prepared to face, that I recognize things and behaviours that trigger me.  I now take these signs as a guide post to deeper personal work that is awaiting my attention.  I realize that when I am triggered, it has nothing to do with the other person or situation (other then they have been a messenger).   It is now my responsibility to dive in deeper and excavate those old patterns so I can feel it and heal it.  These opportunities are my life’s work to develop into the fullest expression of love, healthy boundaries and compassion that I can be.

What is triggering you?  Can you love yourself through the exploration to find yourself?

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Changes

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Make a conscious choice to take a chance to make a desired change –   It’s within you to do it.

Change isn’t an easy wave to ride – yet, ALL things change.  Nothing remains the same forever – seasons, days, moods, people and relationships – everything & everyone changes.

Sometimes we make the choice to change the people, things or situations in our lives and other times, change is thrust upon us, with or without warning.

When I’m faced with big choices, I find it interesting to re-visit the decisions I’ve made in my life that caused the greatest changes.  I work with an understanding that I did the best I could in the moment (sometimes this is easy for me to accept and other times not), and with an intention of learning from the missteps of old ingrained patterns.

Life is a continuous journey of unraveling the ‘truths’ we’ve been told – to feel what is actually right for us as it aligns with our hearts and our soul purpose.  When we bump up against an old paradigm and it ruffles our feathers – we have a golden opportunity to make a different choice – to take a chance and take a step forward or sideways to create a potentially different outcome.  As we become more aware – as we know ourselves better, we can confidently feel our connection to the whole and our choices can become clearer.

Sometimes, even faced with a bristling, nagging undertone, where we can feel we need to choose more authentically, perhaps we’re too scared or not emotionally ready to make that change.  And so, we may procrastinate.  We may lie to ourselves.  We can make excuses, then at some point, the Universe circles back around to encourage us to take another look and per chance – to make a different choice to effect a unique change.

When I was deciding to close my yoga studio in St. Thomas, it was a very hard decision to leave the community of students that I’d grown to love.  The choice to let it go came around a couple of times before it was obvious to me that it was time to transition. The choices I made in that moment scared me and yet they opened the door to expansive learning and gave me the next steps to devoting time and energy to developing workshops, courses and trainings to specialize like my heart desired.

I believe, each of us needs to follow our own calling – our own timing and step when we feel called.  It takes courage to choose a new way and take the next right step for you.

Knowing that the ocean (life) is so much bigger and wiser than us, we can learn to surf – to ride the waves and go with the flow as best we can.  When the waves knock us off our boards, we can swim, cling to the side for awhile and catch our breath or climb back up and find a better rhythm for our lives.  It’s an individual journey and when we realize that we’ll never ‘nail it’ or ‘master it’, we can relax into it and live as we learn and ride more effectively the waves of our lives.

Get your life jacket on – it’s time to turn your surf board into the waves and claim your life – cut a path that makes your heart smile – a path that is uniquely yours.

Love & Light,

Brenda

I’m in Total Control… well, not really!

I’m in Total Control … well, not really!

I have felt in total control of my life for brief periods of time and I have felt totally out of control most of the time!

There’s been a comfort for me in my life – believing I was in control of all things pertaining to my way of living, my family, my work and my way of being present in the world. I’ve worked tirelessly to put things in place, to organize every detail; to slot in time to get things done – in effect to control every possible detail so that nothing went ‘awry’. I’ve planned for anything and everything I could possibly imagine going right and going wrong!

Wow, that takes a lot of energy – even just thinking about it now! Thank goodness I’m a detail person who can multi-task but even then, life happens!

My obsession with feeling safe and in charge has served me very well in my life – has offered me so many opportunities and has given me so many insights. I manage my own business, I travel a lot, I spend time with close family & friends and I teach what I love as often as I can. Through this process of living, I also continue to study, learn and grow as a teacher and especially as a person.

But, this false sense of control has also taken me to my knees! My inability to control my life has created anger, suffering and much anxiety.

If any of you have travelled (especially with children), you know exactly how much control you really have in any situation! Just try to clear security or Immigration while being in control! How about the weather or mechanical difficulties for the plane – absolutely no control in any of these circumstances. Travelling is a humbling experience for me in letting go and going with the flow in order to not stress myself out, worry to no end and create health challenges in the process.

Over the years of learning to let go and be more fluid in how I approach my life and living, I’ve come to realize that my only true means of control lies within my reactions to what is showing up in my life.

When I can slow down, take a breath and ask myself, “Is this something I can do anything about in this moment – am I in control?”; “Is this something that truly matters to me in this moment?” If this is something I have absolutely no control over, then “How can I flow more gracefully with this situation for myself, my health and for those involved?” What I’m finding is an opportunity to respond with clarity, compassion and calm thus creating a more loving and fluid experience.

I still fall, I still tilt at windmills and ultimately, I learn more about myself in the process. It’s an ongoing journey – one in which I cannot fully control – except how I deal with it from the inside out.

How do you deal with things out of your control? How do you manage situations that push you to let go? Do you continue to rail against the inevitable? How is that working for you in your life? Are you ready to change your relationship with control? Perhaps, something to ponder.

Love and Light,
Brenda

PATIENCE…No, No Wait, I’m Not Ready!

PATIENCE…. no, no wait, I’m not ready!

What a beautiful relationship I continue to cultivate with Patience! Okay, not so pretty at times as I drive along and yell at some of the drivers whom I don’t feel know the speed limit or MY rules of the road! It makes me laugh as I write this down.

I am a ‘get up and get it done kind of person’ believing that I can control what happens or doesn’t happen by ‘taking the bull by the horns’ and stepping into life fully. I can get a lot done. There are only so many hours in a day, so ‘chop chop’! I don’t have a lot of patience for myself or others when things get jammed up. My expectations are not being met and it must be someone’s fault. Can you relate?

My mom is my rock and my biggest supporter – she always has been. She accepts me and loves me even when she perhaps doesn’t understand me or why I do things as I do. She is getting older and more and more forgetful. As I try to navigate the waters of her reality, I find that I’m scared, angry and sad in the knowing that I’m loosing her. It tears me apart as I try to ‘help her remember’ by reminding her and testing her. I find I lose my patience a lot as I embrace this new way of being.

My friends help me when I lose my patience and my perspective on things. They coach me in how to be with ‘all that is’ and not try to make it something it isn’t. They help me in seeing what’s in front of me – the reality of it and not my hope for what isn’t. They love me in my impatience and allow me my space to find my way back to my heart – and my sadness, especially in this circumstance.

I do realize that my frustration and impatience has nothing to do with my mom or anybody else for that matter. I continue to learn from my family, my relationships and from life itself. I’m hard on myself, I should’ve known better, I should’ve done better, I should’ve known sooner, etc. It becomes a vicious cycle in a downward spiral of an old pattern.

I’m learning to breathe into my impatience; acknowledge it and just be with the discomfort (actually sit with it). I practice Restorative Yoga to help me slow down and clear old ways that don’t serve me. I play music to relax and I also, literally dance with my frustration and sadness, moving my body to move the energy. I continue to learn new ways of being to create a more expansive and authentic life. In this process, I realize that I need more patience for myself in order to find it for others.

For me, patience must be combined with compassion. As I embrace life lessons everyday, I want to be able to step back and view what has happened with some compassion. To see that I do the best I can in the moment, with what I know and where I am…. as I release the hold of ‘perfection’ from myself, I can land in a better place of understanding and cultivate more patience.

Patience what a gift you are to me – really and truly!

Are there places in your life and your relationships where you can welcome more patience and compassion?

Love and Light,
Brenda