What triggers you? What can take you from zero to 100 in a split second?
I’m fascinated at times by how quickly I can be propelled from a relatively calm state into a firey rage at seemingly nothing at all.
I have been driving along minding my own business playing tunes on the radio and someone can cut me off or slow me down and all of a sudden I’m yelling at them from my car in a heated anger that is totally out of proportion with the action. I have been walking down a beach and been filled with fear and defensiveness seeing someone coming toward me that I’ve never met before. In the middle of a conversation with someone about life and things, I can find myself grasping for calm and reasoning at something they’ve said that has set me afire.
What is it that triggers me? For most of my younger life I assumed that my behaviour was totally justified by the actions of someone else being wrong. Interesting to look a bit deeper and see what actually is at the root of this wild ride in emotions.
We all have patterns and beliefs that we gain as we live and grow in life. Some of these we have picked up from our parents and families, while others from friends, school or society at large. These conditioning patterns and beliefs have served our lives in some way to help us fit in, learn, grow and belong to something bigger.
If these beliefs and patterns don’t shift and change as we evolve, then there becomes a disonance within us between what we are carrying and what is true for us in the moment. It is NOW that our deeper work begins in a challenging and rewarding way.
As our behaviour and relationships change, we will be triggered by people and things that don’t align with the old ways of being. We are being awakened to review our past beliefs to see if they are resonate and true for us in the moment. It can feel like we are walking in a land mine theme park of emotions.
If we can be aware and compassionate to ourselves and others, we can begin to peel back the layers. These layers of protection, playing small, obligations and holding ourselves back have all served us in a way but no longer feed our heart and soul. We will recognize these by how they make us feel.
I find as I grow and learn more about myself and what I’m prepared to face, that I recognize things and behaviours that trigger me. I now take these signs as a guide post to deeper personal work that is awaiting my attention. I realize that when I am triggered, it has nothing to do with the other person or situation (other then they have been a messenger). It is now my responsibility to dive in deeper and excavate those old patterns so I can feel it and heal it. These opportunities are my life’s work to develop into the fullest expression of love, healthy boundaries and compassion that I can be.
What is triggering you? Can you love yourself through the exploration to find yourself?