I’m in Total Control … well, not really!
I have felt in total control of my life for brief periods of time and I have felt totally out of control most of the time!
There’s been a comfort for me in my life – believing I was in control of all things pertaining to my way of living, my family, my work and my way of being present in the world. I’ve worked tirelessly to put things in place, to organize every detail; to slot in time to get things done – in effect to control every possible detail so that nothing went ‘awry’. I’ve planned for anything and everything I could possibly imagine going right and going wrong!
Wow, that takes a lot of energy – even just thinking about it now! Thank goodness I’m a detail person who can multi-task but even then, life happens!
My obsession with feeling safe and in charge has served me very well in my life – has offered me so many opportunities and has given me so many insights. I manage my own business, I travel a lot, I spend time with close family & friends and I teach what I love as often as I can. Through this process of living, I also continue to study, learn and grow as a teacher and especially as a person.
But, this false sense of control has also taken me to my knees! My inability to control my life has created anger, suffering and much anxiety.
If any of you have travelled (especially with children), you know exactly how much control you really have in any situation! Just try to clear security or Immigration while being in control! How about the weather or mechanical difficulties for the plane – absolutely no control in any of these circumstances. Travelling is a humbling experience for me in letting go and going with the flow in order to not stress myself out, worry to no end and create health challenges in the process.
Over the years of learning to let go and be more fluid in how I approach my life and living, I’ve come to realize that my only true means of control lies within my reactions to what is showing up in my life.
When I can slow down, take a breath and ask myself, “Is this something I can do anything about in this moment – am I in control?”; “Is this something that truly matters to me in this moment?” If this is something I have absolutely no control over, then “How can I flow more gracefully with this situation for myself, my health and for those involved?” What I’m finding is an opportunity to respond with clarity, compassion and calm thus creating a more loving and fluid experience.
I still fall, I still tilt at windmills and ultimately, I learn more about myself in the process. It’s an ongoing journey – one in which I cannot fully control – except how I deal with it from the inside out.
How do you deal with things out of your control? How do you manage situations that push you to let go? Do you continue to rail against the inevitable? How is that working for you in your life? Are you ready to change your relationship with control? Perhaps, something to ponder.
Love and Light,
PATIENCE…. no, no wait, I’m not ready!
What a beautiful relationship I continue to cultivate with Patience! Okay, not so pretty at times as I drive along and yell at some of the drivers whom I don’t feel know the speed limit or MY rules of the road! It makes me laugh as I write this down.
I am a ‘get up and get it done kind of person’ believing that I can control what happens or doesn’t happen by ‘taking the bull by the horns’ and stepping into life fully. I can get a lot done. There are only so many hours in a day, so ‘chop chop’! I don’t have a lot of patience for myself or others when things get jammed up. My expectations are not being met and it must be someone’s fault. Can you relate?
My mom is my rock and my biggest supporter – she always has been. She accepts me and loves me even when she perhaps doesn’t understand me or why I do things as I do. She is getting older and more and more forgetful. As I try to navigate the waters of her reality, I find that I’m scared, angry and sad in the knowing that I’m loosing her. It tears me apart as I try to ‘help her remember’ by reminding her and testing her. I find I lose my patience a lot as I embrace this new way of being.
My friends help me when I lose my patience and my perspective on things. They coach me in how to be with ‘all that is’ and not try to make it something it isn’t. They help me in seeing what’s in front of me – the reality of it and not my hope for what isn’t. They love me in my impatience and allow me my space to find my way back to my heart – and my sadness, especially in this circumstance.
I do realize that my frustration and impatience has nothing to do with my mom or anybody else for that matter. I continue to learn from my family, my relationships and from life itself. I’m hard on myself, I should’ve known better, I should’ve done better, I should’ve known sooner, etc. It becomes a vicious cycle in a downward spiral of an old pattern.
I’m learning to breathe into my impatience; acknowledge it and just be with the discomfort (actually sit with it). I practice Restorative Yoga to help me slow down and clear old ways that don’t serve me. I play music to relax and I also, literally dance with my frustration and sadness, moving my body to move the energy. I continue to learn new ways of being to create a more expansive and authentic life. In this process, I realize that I need more patience for myself in order to find it for others.
For me, patience must be combined with compassion. As I embrace life lessons everyday, I want to be able to step back and view what has happened with some compassion. To see that I do the best I can in the moment, with what I know and where I am…. as I release the hold of ‘perfection’ from myself, I can land in a better place of understanding and cultivate more patience.
Patience what a gift you are to me – really and truly!
Are there places in your life and your relationships where you can welcome more patience and compassion?
Love and Light,
From my heart to yours as we close out this incredibly interesting & transformative 2016:
May this holiday season open your heart and mind to new possibilities
May this time of year allow you space to reflect on all that has been
May you find compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others as you reflect
May you become more aware of what it is you truly desire
May you find courage to take a step in that direction
May you be fearless in letting go of what you do not need
May you spend time with those who lift you higher
May you experience the unfolding of love as it expands
May you awaken deep within that light that shines the brightest
May you Remember the Truth of who you are
May that Truth align you with Love and Humility
May you create more magic that enriches your life
May you be curious enough to ask questions
May you be humble enough to hear them
May you rest in the stillness of that knowing
May you be inspired and empowered constantly
May you take time for stillness
May you simply BE and know without a doubt – that is enough!
From my heart to yours, I am so grateful for your presence in my life
May our paths cross again soon
with much love & light
That’s Good, That’s Bad – I Love this, I Hate that….. Judging how I Judge
Over the years, I’ve noticed that I vote on a lot of things in my life and in other peoples’ lives as well. I used to believe that my views and beliefs were ‘right’ and if you didn’t agree or see my point of view, well, then perhaps you just didn’t understand everything.
In these tumultuous times we are in, I find it’s more and more challenging to be steady in my heart watching events and situations unfold. I’m judging so much of what I see that brutalizes our hearts, minds and bodies especially in circumstances where freedom, life and Mother Earth are at risk. How can humans treat each other with such calous disdain and cruelty? How can others stand back and allow it? How did we even get to this point of indifference and intolerance? Wow – my heart and mind are racing to the finish line.
I wonder at how over the years I have been so rigid and hardened in my beliefs that it could actually harm others and myself in the process. I would expend a lot of emotional energy fixing my friends and their lives and all the time I was in constant judgement at how they could stay in unhealthy relationships.
I would look at someone and unconsciously assess their value or worth in my mind based upon how I ‘saw’ them in that moment. I now realize that it had absolutely nothing to do with ‘them’ but rather I was judging what they triggered in me. (I will address ‘triggers’ in a future blog newsletter).
I believe it’s a human condition to judge things and people. I feel we must be present and fully engaged in our lives to cultivate an awareness of our habits and patterns. It also takes a soft heart and a kind overview as we surrender judgement and find more clarity and understanding.
I have used judgement over my life to distract myself from looking within and doing my internal focused work. I’ve also used judgement to sabatoge my growth and understanding. Interestingly enough – I would judge myself for judging! How bizarre is that!
I find the ability to not judge comes much easier for me in my professional life and work. I can allow much more space and honouring for strangers. When it comes to my family and close relationships, it’s more challenging. I fall into the trap of believing I know what is ‘best’ for everyone – and how to go about changing their lives to fit my ideas of ‘best’. Again, as I write this, I’m laughing at my efforts to control others and life. My greatest teachers, my biggest growth opportunities come to me through my relationships where I am most open and vulnerable.
Judging ourselves or another shuts down our ability to be compassionate and loving. It stops the emotional unwinding and closes us off from our greatest ally – our heart. When we judge, we cannot love. When we judge, we cannot unconditionally accept what is showing up. As we judge something or someone, we cannot possibly have empathy for them until we release the judgement.
Interesting journey…. to learn to be more aware – more accepting – more loving – more honouring without needing to inject our beliefs, values or desires on what is showing up. To look at ourselves and see drama can be a distraction. To look and see such vast opportunity to heal.
At, DevaTree School of Yoga, two amazing women have instilled and taught me the value of stepping back with an expansive view and an open heart to all things life. The phrase we use purposefully is, “Isn’t that interesting”.
There are going to be things in life that are just not ‘right’ for you. Using discernment and knowing that it’s not in your best interests to do this or that or spend time with someone will create a healthy boundary for you and hopefully diminish the need for more judging.
When we look at someone, we have absolutely no idea who they are, what they’ve been through, where they are going and what their life journey is all about. We certainly can make a conscious choice for ourselves but we can’t honestly believe we know what is right for everyone else or the Divine timing of anything.
Now, I’m not stating that I have this whole human emotional journey thing figured out. In fact, as I’ve gotten older I realize that ‘life truly is exactly what it is’ and it’s my perceptions, beliefs and willingness to accept it that affects my life experience. My response to life, the situation, challenge or person will determine my emotional price.
I believe judgement can teach us to be more aware of ourselves and our lives. It can open the door to learning about our issues and blockages. It can allow us to be more kind, compassionate and loving. When we blend our human judging nature with our desire to grow spiritually in loving connection to all life, we can use our life challenges to be guide posts to awakening and not hammers to pound and belittle.
So, the next time you catch yourself judging, Love yourself even through the judging and use it as a tool for your empowerment to change old ways of being and beliefs that no longer serve you.
Are you judging me now? Isn’t that interesting!
Love and Light,