PATIENCE…. no, no wait, I’m not ready!
What a beautiful relationship I continue to cultivate with Patience! Okay, not so pretty at times as I drive along and yell at some of the drivers whom I don’t feel know the speed limit or MY rules of the road! It makes me laugh as I write this down.
I am a ‘get up and get it done kind of person’ believing that I can control what happens or doesn’t happen by ‘taking the bull by the horns’ and stepping into life fully. I can get a lot done. There are only so many hours in a day, so ‘chop chop’! I don’t have a lot of patience for myself or others when things get jammed up. My expectations are not being met and it must be someone’s fault. Can you relate?
My mom is my rock and my biggest supporter – she always has been. She accepts me and loves me even when she perhaps doesn’t understand me or why I do things as I do. She is getting older and more and more forgetful. As I try to navigate the waters of her reality, I find that I’m scared, angry and sad in the knowing that I’m loosing her. It tears me apart as I try to ‘help her remember’ by reminding her and testing her. I find I lose my patience a lot as I embrace this new way of being.
My friends help me when I lose my patience and my perspective on things. They coach me in how to be with ‘all that is’ and not try to make it something it isn’t. They help me in seeing what’s in front of me – the reality of it and not my hope for what isn’t. They love me in my impatience and allow me my space to find my way back to my heart – and my sadness, especially in this circumstance.
I do realize that my frustration and impatience has nothing to do with my mom or anybody else for that matter. I continue to learn from my family, my relationships and from life itself. I’m hard on myself, I should’ve known better, I should’ve done better, I should’ve known sooner, etc. It becomes a vicious cycle in a downward spiral of an old pattern.
I’m learning to breathe into my impatience; acknowledge it and just be with the discomfort (actually sit with it). I practice Restorative Yoga to help me slow down and clear old ways that don’t serve me. I play music to relax and I also, literally dance with my frustration and sadness, moving my body to move the energy. I continue to learn new ways of being to create a more expansive and authentic life. In this process, I realize that I need more patience for myself in order to find it for others.
For me, patience must be combined with compassion. As I embrace life lessons everyday, I want to be able to step back and view what has happened with some compassion. To see that I do the best I can in the moment, with what I know and where I am…. as I release the hold of ‘perfection’ from myself, I can land in a better place of understanding and cultivate more patience.
Patience what a gift you are to me – really and truly!
Are there places in your life and your relationships where you can welcome more patience and compassion?
Love and Light,