That’s Good, That’s Bad – I Love this, I Hate that….. Judging how I Judge
Over the years, I’ve noticed that I vote on a lot of things in my life and in other peoples’ lives as well. I used to believe that my views and beliefs were ‘right’ and if you didn’t agree or see my point of view, well, then perhaps you just didn’t understand everything.
In these tumultuous times we are in, I find it’s more and more challenging to be steady in my heart watching events and situations unfold. I’m judging so much of what I see that brutalizes our hearts, minds and bodies especially in circumstances where freedom, life and Mother Earth are at risk. How can humans treat each other with such calous disdain and cruelty? How can others stand back and allow it? How did we even get to this point of indifference and intolerance? Wow – my heart and mind are racing to the finish line.
I wonder at how over the years I have been so rigid and hardened in my beliefs that it could actually harm others and myself in the process. I would expend a lot of emotional energy fixing my friends and their lives and all the time I was in constant judgement at how they could stay in unhealthy relationships.
I would look at someone and unconsciously assess their value or worth in my mind based upon how I ‘saw’ them in that moment. I now realize that it had absolutely nothing to do with ‘them’ but rather I was judging what they triggered in me. (I will address ‘triggers’ in a future blog newsletter).
I believe it’s a human condition to judge things and people. I feel we must be present and fully engaged in our lives to cultivate an awareness of our habits and patterns. It also takes a soft heart and a kind overview as we surrender judgement and find more clarity and understanding.
I have used judgement over my life to distract myself from looking within and doing my internal focused work. I’ve also used judgement to sabatoge my growth and understanding. Interestingly enough – I would judge myself for judging! How bizarre is that!
I find the ability to not judge comes much easier for me in my professional life and work. I can allow much more space and honouring for strangers. When it comes to my family and close relationships, it’s more challenging. I fall into the trap of believing I know what is ‘best’ for everyone – and how to go about changing their lives to fit my ideas of ‘best’. Again, as I write this, I’m laughing at my efforts to control others and life. My greatest teachers, my biggest growth opportunities come to me through my relationships where I am most open and vulnerable.
Judging ourselves or another shuts down our ability to be compassionate and loving. It stops the emotional unwinding and closes us off from our greatest ally – our heart. When we judge, we cannot love. When we judge, we cannot unconditionally accept what is showing up. As we judge something or someone, we cannot possibly have empathy for them until we release the judgement.
Interesting journey…. to learn to be more aware – more accepting – more loving – more honouring without needing to inject our beliefs, values or desires on what is showing up. To look at ourselves and see drama can be a distraction. To look and see such vast opportunity to heal.
At, DevaTree School of Yoga, two amazing women have instilled and taught me the value of stepping back with an expansive view and an open heart to all things life. The phrase we use purposefully is, “Isn’t that interesting”.
There are going to be things in life that are just not ‘right’ for you. Using discernment and knowing that it’s not in your best interests to do this or that or spend time with someone will create a healthy boundary for you and hopefully diminish the need for more judging.
When we look at someone, we have absolutely no idea who they are, what they’ve been through, where they are going and what their life journey is all about. We certainly can make a conscious choice for ourselves but we can’t honestly believe we know what is right for everyone else or the Divine timing of anything.
Now, I’m not stating that I have this whole human emotional journey thing figured out. In fact, as I’ve gotten older I realize that ‘life truly is exactly what it is’ and it’s my perceptions, beliefs and willingness to accept it that affects my life experience. My response to life, the situation, challenge or person will determine my emotional price.
I believe judgement can teach us to be more aware of ourselves and our lives. It can open the door to learning about our issues and blockages. It can allow us to be more kind, compassionate and loving. When we blend our human judging nature with our desire to grow spiritually in loving connection to all life, we can use our life challenges to be guide posts to awakening and not hammers to pound and belittle.
So, the next time you catch yourself judging, Love yourself even through the judging and use it as a tool for your empowerment to change old ways of being and beliefs that no longer serve you.
Are you judging me now? Isn’t that interesting!
Love and Light,